I just saw this article and it breaks my heart. The article is about a doctor who performed abortions, specifically late term abortions, who was shot and killed outside his church. This isn't right.

I don't agree with abortion however I also don't agree with killing the people who perform them. I am praying for his family and for those around him.

(Sorry for the blog silence folks. Between morning sickness and the usual riggers of life with a 1 year old I am just now starting to get back to normal.....whatever normal is.)

Our little boy has come to a point in his tiny life where his sinful heart is beginning to show through and he needs discipline. The bible says that we are all sinners from birth and we all fall short of the glory of God, even cute little one year olds.

Because our boy is growing up and needs guidance from his parents I have felt it exceedingly necessary lately to learn all that I can about what God says about disciplining a child and not what the world says.

The world tells me that as long as my child is well behaved and grows to be a good member of society then I've done my job, well done me!

Well that's a bunch of BS.

What I am learning from reading my bible as well as a couple key books written by christian authors is that God wants my child to honor and obey Him and always seek Jesus. It's not just about their behavior but more about my child's heart....which is where all of our behavior stems.

Today while reading a book on biblical discipline it dawned on me that this heart thing is still something that I'm learning and probably will be for the rest of my life. On the outside I was acting very gracious and kind toward those around me. I appeared to be a saintly wife and mom but in truth my heart was in an ugly place. I was harboring some serious resentment toward someone I love all because I felt wronged by them. On the outside I was behaving well, acting like everything was great, but my heart was in a dark and angry place.

Enter prayer, repentance and a very humbling moment where I realized how much I too am going to learn from this whole discipline process. The world has taught me how to look good and behave on the outside but Jesus is changing my heart and causing me to actually be good and desire good on the inside.

Here's a great quote from the book I'm currently reading that sort of summarizes what I'm saying:

"When we focus on our children's outside behavior and neglect what is on the inside, we will cause our children to become manipulators. They will learn to please us by jumping through the hoop (by acting the way we tell them to act out of fear of punishment) but they will not learn the righteousness of Christ. As a matter of fact, if we only focus on the laws of outward behavior but fail to train their hearts in accordance with God's Word, we risk them viewing Christianity as a set of burdensome rules. As result they may never experience what it means to truly know Christ and His power to transform lives."

My job as a mother is a high calling, albeit a kind of scary calling, so I am taking it VERY seriously. I know that God has given me a job and I want to honor Him and do it well but I also know that I can only do it with Jesus at my side.

I pray that the Lord will give Ryan and I both the wisdom that we need to raise our children well and that we will be able to shepherd their little hearts toward Jesus. I pray that we won't just focus on how our kids are acting but more on what is going on in their hearts when they are acting out and helping them to see their own sin. I pray that they will come to know Jesus at a young age and follow and serve Him for the rest of their lives.