Ok I want to preface this post by stating very clearly that I do not watch Dr. Phil and I do not condone watching his show because I think it is just a classed up version of the Jerry Springer show (my opinion).

With that said, I was feeling a little sick today and this afternoon all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep...which obviously is impossible with a little one. So instead of retreating to bed I decided to veg on the couch and watch a little mindless TV while James played on the floor beside me. I was going through the guide on our cable when I came to Dr. Phil (who I would normally pass over) when I read the title of the show and got curious.

The title of his show was something to the affect of "Forced to be a Father" which made no sense to me so I clicked it on to understand. After ten minutes of watching I was filled with despair and couldn't watch anymore....which reminded me why I don't like Dr. Phil.

The man on the show was trying to get out of paying child support because his ex-girlfriend gave birth to a child that he did not want. He said that he didn't think he should have to pay child support because he was under the impression that his ex could not have children when they were together and when she became pregnant he told her he didn't want anything to do with the baby. Now he is having to pay every month for a child that he has never even held and he feels like this is an injustice because it is sending him to the poor house.

As I said I could only watch for about ten minutes but in that time two emotions came over me in full force. #1 Anger and #2 sadness.

Anger:
I am angry with the world that thinks it is ok to treat sex like a casual interaction that has no consequences. I wish I could talk some sense into my former self who made mistake after mistake with men before Jesus saved me from myself. I wish I could go back in time and take back every sexual encounter that I had before marrying Ryan and know that my body is his alone. I wish I could explain to the old me that I would one day be haunted by thoughts and images of what I have done. I pray that I can use my life as an example to my kids and teach them to wait until they are married to share this part of themselves.

Sadness:
I feel sad for the woman who is raising a baby on her own without a Daddy, although I am so thankful that she chose to have the baby; I feel sad for the little girl who will grow up knowing that her father doesn't love her nor does he want anything to do with her, and honestly I also feel sad for this man. I am sad that he doesn't see the precious gift he has been given and sad that one day in the future he will be heartbroken when he realizes what he has done.

The world is a crazy place and I feel like every day I am introduced to a new brand of crazy that breaks my heart. I pray for these people and that they will come to know Jesus as their lord and savior and that he will redeem this situation, as only he can.