Broken

I am learning a lot about loving people lately and I'm learning that there is a lot more to love than I had thought.

There's a passage in the Gospel of Matthew where Jesus talks about the day of judgment when each of us will stand before the Lord and Jesus will welcome those who know him into his fold and cast those who don't into hell.

In this passage Jesus tells his sheep (those who know and love him) that they fed him when he was hungry, clothed him when he was naked, visited him when he was sick or in prison etc. Jesus says that the people will question him, saying "Lord when did we see you sick or in prison to visit you?" and he answers them saying "Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me." This is love.

I read that verse a few weeks back and ever since I have been praying that Jesus would give me his eyes for the world. I have been praying that he would break my heart for what breaks his and show me how to love people as if each one of them was him in front of me.

There's a great song that we sing at church called Hosanna and this one part always gets me and is exactly what I'm talking about here:

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart from what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
As I go from nothing to
Eternity


So I've been praying for this but I didn't expect to feel what I've been feeling. I thought that loving people the way Jesus loves people would be all joy filled and happy, a great way to go about my day as if I'm snow white singing to the animals in the forest. I was wrong, it's far more painful.

Instead the Lord has really burdened my heart for the world, and it hurts. He's broken my heart for what breaks his and now two out of the past three nights I've gone to bed sobbing through my prayers at the thought of all the sin and brokenness in everyone around me and in our world today.

Then this morning I read this verse in Philippians:

"For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake.." Philippians 1:29

This made me think about my prayer and loving people. Not only will I suffer for Christ because I love him more than anything and just by that very statement I will be persecuted by those who do not, but also I'll suffer in my loving others on his behalf.

I cannot explain this faith that is inside of me, the way Jesus changed me five years ago when he came into my life, showed me my sin and my need for him and ultimately saved me from hell; but I know that it's real and that it's never going to go away. I lay in bed at night lately agonizing over those around me, people that I love dearly, and even those that I don't, who don't know Jesus. I can't stop thinking about the fiery hell that they will one day endure, forever, unless they give their lives to Jesus.

My heart aches because I can see the sin in their lives, the brokenness and I know the only answer is Jesus, the only true joy is Jesus and the only way to redemption and salvation is Jesus....and most likely they see me as a bible thumping idiot.

The truth is that I love them, I love you, so much so that I suffer now on your behalf. I suffer in my prayers and in my day because I want you to be with me one day in heaven, on that judgment day when Jesus says welcome home.

So that's where I am this week. I'm exhausted, I'm sad for the world and all of the lies that Satan is telling and people are believing, but I love Jesus so I'll be thanking him through my tears.

Here's a video of the song Hosanna, I hope it hits your heart the way it does mine:

2 Comments:

  1. kellycowan said...
    annie wow. thank you for sharpening me and spurring on my prayer life. i can remember clearly many college nights weeping in my dorm room. i would say it was the height of a time in my life when i allowed jesus to break my heart for others, and it was painfully heart wrenching. it actually terrifies me to pursue the words to that song. kalle, her mom and i were talking about how if we actually knew all the sin in the world i think we would die. it would be too awful for us to bear. it is a grace for us to not see it all, though when we allow the Spirit to speak, i believe he crushes us enough to be willing to be used as his city on a hill. do not stop praying. do not stop interceeding. i want to keep learning through this with you. i am surprised and overjoyed that the Lord is simultaneously showing us a heart to serve others. you are a true sister.
    gloryrevealed said...
    I love that song and have found myself praying through what it means a lot over the last few months too. I remember hearing the challenge to pray "break my heart for what breaks yours" in college about ten years ago. At the time I would have done just about anything. But after marriage, a few kids, a nice house - and the endless responsibilities that go with these - I grew weary. And bored. And pretty darn comfortable. God has been changing me recenty, breaking me. Reminding me of his heart. Calling me to more. I'm excited to see what God is doing in your life and also in the lives of so many in our church.

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