Being a mom is hard.

Today I had at least four occasions where I had to apologize to James, repent to the Lord for my behavior and my ugly heart, and cry out a prayer for help.

I feel broken, defeated and totally incapable of being the mom that God has called me to be. I feel like Paul:


"For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate." Romans 7:15

"For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out." Romans 7:18b

I love my boy and I love being his mom but today it's a really hard job. I know what I have to do. I have to give this all to Jesus and know that he is with me. I have to remember that he doesn't promise my life will be easy. In fact he says that in order for me to grow into the person God created me to be, to be sanctified, I have to go through trials, be refined by fire.

Today I feel the fire. I flames are breathing down my neck but I have hope. I have hope in Him, in my Jesus.